As I sit here and stare at this box of bolts, this combination of wires, RAM, and blinking LEDs, I glare at this machine that performs countless millions of complex permutations in mere seconds, I think to myself, “Where’s the love?”
It’s in there. And it’s out there.
It is the multi-billion dollar industry spawned by the simplest of human needs: the never-ending search for love. It’s cyberdating, and it’s a good thing. Literally, at the click of a mouse, the woman of your dreams is at your finger tips. And you should try it!
I’m finding it ever more difficult to find a gal that I like and that also likes me. As a matter of fact, women don’t even need men anymore. Given a choice, intelligent and successful women would prefer the company of (in order of preference)
- Their female friends.
- Their families.
- Their vibrators.
- Anybody’s dog.
- Their OB/GYN.
So, the trick to cyber-dating is to try to hop up that list, at least above the vibrator. In order to achieve this lofty goal, I have provided you with some useful advice that I have found to be very helpful in attaining the ultimate goal – dates, and lots of them. In the last decade, I have met and dated over 100 women utilizing different websites, interfaces, and surcharges. It really isn’t that difficult. There are tons of women out there. But you need to follow some rules.
First, Your Profile
Pictures are important It doesn’t matter what the heck you say in your profile if you look like a doofus. Your main picture should be a great picture of you. But not so great you can’t live up to it. A little secret? Take a pic with a dog. It doesn’t even have to be your dog, but know that chicks love dogs! You can explain who’s dog after a dialogue is established. A nice smile doesn’t hurt, either. Throw in some pics with friends and/or family. And no, Fabio, absolutely no pics with your shirt off and/or with beautiful women. You want to be attractive, but benign in nature. The primary photo is key, though. It either gets you a ”click” on your profile, or the dreaded ”delete” key. Think about it.
Now you’re ready to pen your profile. Almost all online dating sites offer a chance to answer some silly questions that nobody really cares about. A lot of guys take full advantage of this to blather on-and-on about how great they are. Stop. Don’t do that. Be interesting! A funny anecdote or a short story explaining why you’re trying this all-too-surreal endeavor is endearing. This is where you are speaking to the thousands of faceless women that are perusing thousands of other suitors. And for the love of Dan Quayle, use spell check! You don’t want these women questioning your G.E.D.
Ok, now you are ready to play. And remember, it is a game. You will get countless “hits” on your profile. But don't forget the number one fact: women rule these sites. If they are attractive and have a decent profile, they will get between 20-50 messages a day from guys that are ten times cooler than you. And the dregs of female cyberdaters? Those are the ones who will initiate contact with you. Not interested? Just delete and move on. Nobody truly wants to be openly rejected. Would you?
Seriously, if you can hit the “Mendoza Line” on getting responses to the messages sent to the gals you’re interested in; well then, you’re doing better than most. But this begs the question, “Why write a dissertation about how much of a great ‘match’ you think a girl is if you are going to get snubbed so many times?” Simple. You don’t, you cheat just a little. “Huh?” you're asking. Trust me, this is a trick of the trade.
Write a serious-but-interesting general message and copy it. Cut and paste it to every girl you think is a “possibility” and then add something personal to each one. But be discreet about how you use it. A veteran of online dating sites will know if they are being spammed. Just write three interesting, general information paragraphs plus an introductory paragraph saying something about their profile. Look, it is a game. You just need to know the rules.
Don’t Be A Sucker
Sometimes it is impossible to tell if the person on the other end of this electronic communal gathering is indeed who she says she is. For all you know, it could be a 12-year old using Dad’s computer. Or worse, an old, bald, naked dude with a bowl of Jell-o and an “unfortunate” facial tic. But you can look for some tell-tale signs.
- Don’t fall for “Glamour Shots.” A woman who’s profile picture is obviously professionally done probably has enough spackle on to caulk a hot tub. Yeah, I’ve met hermore than once.
- Head shot only? Her ass is probably the size of a large pachyderm.
- Do read their profile. Just as I have told you to be “interesting,” a gal whose profile screams “on out-patient basis with her mental health professional” is easy to glean. Nutburgers use the internet, too.
Take A Chance
I don’t know about you, but I’m not looking for cyberfriends or chatting partners. If I am somehow able to find an intelligent and attractive woman that, in turn, shows interest in me, I’m giving my digits. This is a ying vs. yang proposition. Sure, you might wind up with a "Stage-5 Clinger," but if you don’t jump fast enough, the next guy will. Remember, she is getting propositioned by tons of guys. Make your move.
Choosing A Site
Ok, this can be tricky. Look, there are probably 100 different dating sites out there. The trick is finding the one that works for you. I’ve been fortunate enough to find a couple that I rely on. But choosing one can be hit or miss. And a “miss” can cost you time, money, and possibly your sanity. The first thing you need to decide is exactly what you are looking for. Of the ten or so most popular sites, each fills a particular niche. Are you looking for the site with the most members? The highest number of quality women? Do you want to spend a lot of time on your profile, or do you want to “jump right in” and find the love? Fortunately for you, I have tried lots of sites and can help you.
- Okcupid - By far the most people are subscribed to this site. The interface isn’t very user-friendly, and the quality of the membership is very broad. Not too pricey, and the site is designed for “one-click” searching. They have pictures and enough info on your potential mate that you can make an informed decision. Yahoo is huge. Who doesn’t have a “yahoo.com” email address? But then again, who has enough time to sift through 5,000 profiles to find your soul mate?
- Loveawake.com - This was the first site I ever used. I met some great women here. It’s a very user-friendly site, but after awhile it was “fished out.”
- eHarmony - I’m sorry, but this site is ridiculous. Heck, the commercials are on TV more than GEICO’s gecko. And the site? Very “touchy-feely.” They do -- what do they call? -- a psychological profile and then “match” you with those poor souls that are “compatible.” One problem, the “profile” they do of you is so much B.S., it borders on moronic. I mean how are you going to answer the question, “Do you ever get angry enough that you want to hit your partner?” Plus, they charge you, like, $70 for the privilege of meeting a bunch of ugly people. You're thinking “ugly” is a strong word. Hey, you’ve seen the commercials? If you are short and pudgy, then your gal is waiting!
- Perfectmatch.com - See: eHarmony, but with a much smaller membership to choose from.
- Match.com - This is my bread and butter. A great mix of quality women, profiles are in-depth without having to waste an afternoon, and the interface makes it very easy to find the type of gal you are interested in. At $20 a month, you could do much worse than giving this a try.
- Amateur Match.com - This is just voyeurism. Webcams and sexy co-eds wearing very little. But hey, if that works for you, then who am I to judge?
- True.com - I gave this a trial run. After about 30 minutes I decided I wasn’t interested.
- Specialty sites This is like “Christian Singles.com” or “Singles in (insert town here) .com.” Don’t waste your time here. Better off going it alone.
Almost all of these sites offer “free trials” at one point or another. If they don’t? Make a phone call. They want your business. The more “fish” in their proverbial “sea,” the better it is for them. They will set you up. But be cautious about dropping your credit card without reading their “terms and conditions.” That $60 bill on your credit card is not going away.
As you can tell, I have a lot of experience with this. It really comes down to your interest level. Found a site that you like? Then spend some time on it. Work on your profile. Change up your pics. Ask people what they think of your profile. Cyberdating is here to stay. If you are single and looking, you really need to give this a shot. It is an untapped resource that can be very rewarding.
Go get ‘em Tiger!