Committee on Design

There was a modernist and a classicist walking down the road.

The classicist turns to the modernist and says, "Did you notice the lovely gargoyles on the side of that church?"

Modernist: "But that's a brand new church, why on earth would there be gargoyles?"

Classicist: "Because it's following a tradition, silly. I designed them myself."

Modernist: "You designed a gargoyle."

Classicist:  "Yes, the congregation loved it. There's one on every column bay."

Modernist: "Are they acting as scuppers?"

Classicist: "No, these are just sculpture."

Modernist: "So they are not technically gargoyles."

Classicist: "Well, technically I guess that makes them grotesques."

Modernist: "You got that right."

Classicist:  "But I think most people will think of them as gargoyles. They were meant to keep away evil spirits in medieval times."

Modernist: "Evil spirits and modernists."

Classicist: "Relax. They won't bite."

Modernist: "Were they hand carved in France and set by a stone mason?"

Classicist: "Oh, god no. That would have cost a fortune. They were cast in a special foam and covered with an elastomeric coating."

Modernist: "Elastomeric coating? You made an EIFS gargoyle."

Classicist: "Basically, but you can't even tell from here. The contractor is practically done. I'm going there tomorrow for a final punch. Would you like to join me?"

Modernist: "I guess I could help you do some punching. I could also help you pre-age those gargoyles."

Classicist: "Really? That's sounds wonderful. How do you do that?"

Modernist: "I have a pump-action 12 gauge shotgun. We could punch them with that."

Classicist: "That's not funny."

Modernist: "We could give each one a little bit of Dick Cheney texturing."

Classicist: "Still not funny."

Modernist: "Maybe a bit of medieval acne, or bubonic boils and pits."

Classicist: "I'm not listening."

There was a modernist and a classicist walking down the road.

The classicist turns to the modernist and says, "Did you notice the lovely gargoyles on the side of that church?"

Modernist: "But that's a brand new church, why on earth would there be gargoyles?"

Classicist: "Because it's following a tradition, silly. I designed them myself."

Modernist: "You designed a gargoyle."

Classicist:  "Yes, the congregation loved it. There's one on every column bay."

Modernist: "Are they acting as scuppers?"

Classicist: "No, these are just sculpture."

Modernist: "So they are not technically gargoyles."

Classicist: "Well, technically I guess that makes them grotesques."

Modernist: "You got that right."

Classicist:  "But I think most people will think of them as gargoyles. They were meant to keep away evil spirits in medieval times."

Modernist: "Evil spirits and modernists."

Classicist: "Relax. They won't bite."

Modernist: "Were they hand carved in France and set by a stone mason?"

Classicist: "Oh, god no. That would have cost a fortune. They were cast in a special foam and covered with an elastomeric coating."

Modernist: "Elastomeric coating? You made an EIFS gargoyle."

Classicist: "Basically, but you can't even tell from here. The contractor is practically done. I'm going there tomorrow for a final punch. Would you like to join me?"

Modernist: "I guess I could help you do some punching. I could also help you pre-age those gargoyles."

Classicist: "Really? That's sounds wonderful. How do you do that?"

Modernist: "I have a pump-action 12 gauge shotgun. We could punch them with that."

Classicist: "That's not funny."

Modernist: "We could give each one a little bit of Dick Cheney texturing."

Classicist: "Still not funny."

Modernist: "Maybe a bit of medieval acne, or bubonic boils and pits."

Classicist: "I'm not listening."

There was a modernist and a classicist walking down the road.

The classicist turns to the modernist and says, "Did you notice the lovely gargoyles on the side of that church?"

Modernist: "But that's a brand new church, why on earth would there be gargoyles?"

Classicist: "Because it's following a tradition, silly. I designed them myself."

Modernist: "You designed a gargoyle."

Classicist:  "Yes, the congregation loved it. There's one on every column bay."

Modernist: "Are they acting as scuppers?"

Classicist: "No, these are just sculpture."

Modernist: "So they are not technically gargoyles."

Classicist: "Well, technically I guess that makes them grotesques."

Modernist: "You got that right."

Classicist:  "But I think most people will think of them as gargoyles. They were meant to keep away evil spirits in medieval times."

Modernist: "Evil spirits and modernists."

Classicist: "Relax. They won't bite."

Modernist: "Were they hand carved in France and set by a stone mason?"

Classicist: "Oh, god no. That would have cost a fortune. They were cast in a special foam and covered with an elastomeric coating."

Modernist: "Elastomeric coating? You made an EIFS gargoyle."

Classicist: "Basically, but you can't even tell from here. The contractor is practically done. I'm going there tomorrow for a final punch. Would you like to join me?"

Modernist: "I guess I could help you do some punching. I could also help you pre-age those gargoyles."

Classicist: "Really? That's sounds wonderful. How do you do that?"

Modernist: "I have a pump-action 12 gauge shotgun. We could punch them with that."

Classicist: "That's not funny."

Modernist: "We could give each one a little bit of Dick Cheney texturing."

Classicist: "Still not funny."

Modernist: "Maybe a bit of medieval acne, or bubonic boils and pits."

Classicist: "I'm not listening."